Happy New Year and a few days...
So I am a little bit behind with my blogging...Unfortunately, I don't have a computer at the moment (ours broke) and I try to squeeze in time on my mother-in-law's when I can. So updates are quite needed by this time... The following things have happened since the last time I posted....
Whoa, that is a lot to catch up on, but here it goes...
Our 21 week ultrasound was AMAZING! A bit overwhelming, humbling, and some disappointment, but looking back... a miracle. Did you just read, disapointment? Yes, yes, you did... I will be completely honest and open (as always). This is not the easiest thing to share because HOW could someone be disappointed in seeing their HEALTHY baby?!?! Maybe it is just me, but maybe there are others out there who have felt this same sudden rush of despair while exiting the ultrasound room.
I always dreamt of having 2 boys and a girl. I have 5 older sisters (3 biological, 2 step), and have wanted an older brother for as long as I can remember...A brother who would look out for me, and stand up for me when the "big kids" tried to mess with me... Sure, I got this when my sisters married, but it wasn't the same as growing up with an older brother. So this was something I really wanted for my kids.
I knew I'd have a daughter... That wasn't a question. Having 5 sisters, 5 nieces (3 step), and several girl cousins who have daughters. I just knew I'd have at least one girl. However, boys, those are not so common in my family...In my mind, they were going to be a bit more of a challenge to get. (Yes, my theory is off a bit...It is very much 50/50!) I wanted my first baby to be a boy SO badly, though! I dreamt of what he would look like, hoping for a mini-Aaron. However, in my gut, I knew I was having a girl. As the 40 minute appointment was coming to an end, the technican announced we were having a girl. The tears began to stream down my cheeks. I didn't mean to, it just hit this pregnant lady like a dump truck. Aaron looked at me with an excited light in his eyes, "It's a girl!" He was completely thrilled. However, I couldn't help but let the tears of disappointment stream down my face. "It's a girl...it's a girl...I'm destined to only have girls."
A few weeks back God told me to be patient and to trust Him. I was eagerly counting down the days until the ultrasound appointment and took this as God telling me it was a boy...No, He never told me it was a boy, just to be patient and to trust Him...Looking back at that moment when I felt this overwhelming peace and trust, I know He was telling me He has a plan...Some day my little boy(s) will come, but at this moment He has given me a beautiful baby girl. One He is calling me to cherish and raise up for His Kingdom. One to know the joys of knowing Him and being a daughter of the King. She may be the oldest, but when that brother comes he will protect her and stand up for her. However, there is a Greater One who will truly protect and take care of my little girl...Just as He did with me.
It is humbling to share this...There are so many people out there who struggle to conceive or cannot have a healthy baby, and here I am, a selfish, self-centered, Type A planner who expects things to go the way I want them, when I want them.... Maybe, I am the only person out there who has felt this gender disappointment...and now you all know (if you didn't already :) just how selfish I am...However, maybe there is someone else out there who is trying to plan their family, their future, just like I was and has or is struggling with the disappointment of the "wrong" gender...If you are out there and you are reading this, I just want you to know, you are NOT alone. God has a wonderful plan for each of His children...Beyond what we can even comprehend or put together ourselves. This little girl I am getting is going to be the perfect little person for Aaron and I. God knows what I need better than I do.
Leavenworth, Christmas and New Years were all wonderful spending time with Aaron and our amazing family who we don't get to see nearly enough. It was a great and much needed break. Aaron is now back at school and working hard. This semester they dropped one class and have gained three. So yes, this semester is going to be a difficult one, but our sweet baby girl comes this semester and we can hardly wait! Here are some photos from our gender reveal/ Christmas party and perfect Christmas break.
- We had our 20 weeks (21 for us!) ultrasound
- We had our gender reveal/Christmas party
- Went to Leavenworth for a little gettaway vacation
- Was surprised by our dear family from Alaska, Ryan and Stephanie (Aaron's brother and sister-in-law)
- Christmas, New Years and a new semester for Aaron in med school
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Our 21 week ultrasound was AMAZING! A bit overwhelming, humbling, and some disappointment, but looking back... a miracle. Did you just read, disapointment? Yes, yes, you did... I will be completely honest and open (as always). This is not the easiest thing to share because HOW could someone be disappointed in seeing their HEALTHY baby?!?! Maybe it is just me, but maybe there are others out there who have felt this same sudden rush of despair while exiting the ultrasound room.
I always dreamt of having 2 boys and a girl. I have 5 older sisters (3 biological, 2 step), and have wanted an older brother for as long as I can remember...A brother who would look out for me, and stand up for me when the "big kids" tried to mess with me... Sure, I got this when my sisters married, but it wasn't the same as growing up with an older brother. So this was something I really wanted for my kids.
I knew I'd have a daughter... That wasn't a question. Having 5 sisters, 5 nieces (3 step), and several girl cousins who have daughters. I just knew I'd have at least one girl. However, boys, those are not so common in my family...In my mind, they were going to be a bit more of a challenge to get. (Yes, my theory is off a bit...It is very much 50/50!) I wanted my first baby to be a boy SO badly, though! I dreamt of what he would look like, hoping for a mini-Aaron. However, in my gut, I knew I was having a girl. As the 40 minute appointment was coming to an end, the technican announced we were having a girl. The tears began to stream down my cheeks. I didn't mean to, it just hit this pregnant lady like a dump truck. Aaron looked at me with an excited light in his eyes, "It's a girl!" He was completely thrilled. However, I couldn't help but let the tears of disappointment stream down my face. "It's a girl...it's a girl...I'm destined to only have girls."
A few weeks back God told me to be patient and to trust Him. I was eagerly counting down the days until the ultrasound appointment and took this as God telling me it was a boy...No, He never told me it was a boy, just to be patient and to trust Him...Looking back at that moment when I felt this overwhelming peace and trust, I know He was telling me He has a plan...Some day my little boy(s) will come, but at this moment He has given me a beautiful baby girl. One He is calling me to cherish and raise up for His Kingdom. One to know the joys of knowing Him and being a daughter of the King. She may be the oldest, but when that brother comes he will protect her and stand up for her. However, there is a Greater One who will truly protect and take care of my little girl...Just as He did with me.
It is humbling to share this...There are so many people out there who struggle to conceive or cannot have a healthy baby, and here I am, a selfish, self-centered, Type A planner who expects things to go the way I want them, when I want them.... Maybe, I am the only person out there who has felt this gender disappointment...and now you all know (if you didn't already :) just how selfish I am...However, maybe there is someone else out there who is trying to plan their family, their future, just like I was and has or is struggling with the disappointment of the "wrong" gender...If you are out there and you are reading this, I just want you to know, you are NOT alone. God has a wonderful plan for each of His children...Beyond what we can even comprehend or put together ourselves. This little girl I am getting is going to be the perfect little person for Aaron and I. God knows what I need better than I do.
Leavenworth, Christmas and New Years were all wonderful spending time with Aaron and our amazing family who we don't get to see nearly enough. It was a great and much needed break. Aaron is now back at school and working hard. This semester they dropped one class and have gained three. So yes, this semester is going to be a difficult one, but our sweet baby girl comes this semester and we can hardly wait! Here are some photos from our gender reveal/ Christmas party and perfect Christmas break.
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| We had a hot chocolate bar...Yum! |
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| Those who voted girl... |
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These are the folks who voted boy...  Excitement is in the air! It's a girl!  Leavenworth was wonderful!!!  SURPRISE!! Pregnant sisters!!!Next time we meet we will be mamas and aunties! |
Ben absolutely behaves and comes across as the oldest. Serves as protector and rock, he us an ever present strength for thd whole family, but technically he is second in the birth order.... :)
ReplyDeleteJess, I dont know how Im only JUST now reading your blogs, lol! But anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I had the EXACT same reaction when we found out we were having Michael. I so badly wanted that close sister bond for Lizzie that I wanted our 2nd baby to be another girl. When they announced we were having a boy, I cried as well. I felt so ashamed because he was healthy and I was disappointed! It took me probably weeks to 'get over' this whole having a boy thing. I eventually got super excited when I remembered that I now could buy the 'boy theme' I had planned on getting whenever we did have a boy. Looking back now, I still feel a little disappointment, but I tell you what, I wouldn't trade my little Michael for anything! And as soon as you hold your little girl for the first time, you will know that same feeling! It is love at first sight. Much different than any other kind of love you've ever felt before! So now, with my 3rd pregnancy, Im trying so very hard to have an open mind and heart. We find out in 2 weeks what the gender is. And if its another boy, I admit I will probably cry again. But Ill get over it! ;) I just wanted to let you know that you are certainly not the only one who has ever felt disappointed at the outcome of the sex of the baby. I highly doubt anyone has gotten exactly what they wanted in the exact order! Love you and cant wait to see pictures of your little one! She's going to be here so soon!
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